Testimonial by Danielle
If I could walk in someone's shoes in order to better understand where they are coming from, I would choose my oldest brother. While it would seem that I would know exactly where my own sibling is coming from, since we were raised in the same home, I am flabbergasted at how different we are and the difficulties we have in understanding each other. Our biggest barrier in relating to eachother is how we feel about Israel.
Last year I spent a period of 4
months involved in a Jewish dialogue group which brought together
Jews of all different practices and beliefs to discus our views in
regard to Israel. I hoped that this experience might provide me
with the tools to engage with my brother in civilized discussion
about these topics where we were diametrically opposed. In this
group, the participants spoke about our personal connection to
Israel, how our Jewishness influences our views, and how we justify
our stances on particular controversial issues surrounding the
Israel-Palestinian conflict. The group was meant to be diverse in
collecting together Jews of many different backgrounds and opinions.
We spent our time trying to relate to each other, respectfully
listening to each other, and engaging in serious dialogue where
listening was the major goal rather than debate. It was such a
valuable experience and I really thought it would benefit me in my
relationship with my brother.
However, things are never easy when
your blood is involved. Emotions in any political or religious
discussion can get inflamed so easily without the added pressure and
stress of it happening within the same family. I admit my brother and
I have very different ways of approaching political discussion, but
much of our problem in communication lies in a lack of understanding.
I believe I understand the other side of the argument, but I
don’t understand my own brother. I am perplexed at his lack of
sympathy towards Jews despite his own Jewish upbringing. I try not to
quickly blame it on his environment, as he has been living in
Europe away from a Jewish household for over six years, but I know
that isn’t really getting to the root of the issue. Its easier to
say that my brother has “lost his way” because he turned away
from Judaism, but with that effort I am no closer to understanding my
brother, nor am I understanding why he disagrees with me and why our
disagreements end in screams and tears.
I realize my goal is no longer to convince him of the merits of Zionism, but I would rather want to understand his real issues that block him from reconciling the merits of a Jewish State. Trueunderstanding, however, may not be possible since I am not sure if I can ever sway in my personal views and if I am not necessarily willing to consider changing, I may be blocking this process.
Nonetheless, my goal is to listen with an open mind. Furthermore, I may even find out that we have more in common than we think. Perhaps the motives behind our passion may be different, but at least passion is in our blood.