Lights of Faith: The Profound Power of Dialogue

by Debra Rappaport

December 7, 2005

Duxbury Clipper (www.duxburyclipper.com)

Ten years ago, as part of a corporate strategic planning process, I encountered a process called dialogue.  In essence, it was profound listening, to our own deepest truths as well as others’.  I was amazed at the depth of conversation that took place.  With the intention of listening instead of problem-solving, powerfully creative solutions emerged.

More recently, I bumped into the dialogue process again, in the context of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.  The Jewish Dialogue Group, operating out of Philadelphia, creates safe spaces for difficult conversations that could not ordinarily take place.  Dialogue requires ground rules, to which every participant agrees.  Sample agreements include: “We will speak for ourselves and from our own experience.” “We will not criticize the views of other participants or try to persuade them.” “We will listen with resilience, ‘hanging in’ when what is said is hard to hear.”

The first goal of the conversations that take place in the framework of dialogue is to pursue mutual understanding.  This often leads to other outcomes, including stronger relationships among participants, a better understanding about one’s own ambivalence, and improved communication skills.  Ultimately, I believe this is about greater harmony and peace, and collaboration to solve universal problems such as poverty.

It’s a different model from what predominates in our culture, where we are accustomed to hearing smart people out-shout each other on news programs, competing and debating to have their position win, to be “right.”

Isn’t there another way to win?

Many of our religions share the teachings, “Treat others as you wish to be treated” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  If we honestly adhere to this wisdom, then “winning” means being kind. It means listening to each other with the intention of understanding, and perhaps finding common ground.  It means accepting that we are all different, and approaching differences with curiosity, not judgment.  The corollary to this quality of listening is a quality of speaking in which we communicate from a deep place of our own truths; including acknowledging the doubts and fears that make us human.

It takes a certain amount of faith and courage to listen without defending differences, as well as to share vulnerabilities.  My prayer for this holiday season is that we all have the courage and the faith to talk and listen to one another.

For more information on the Jewish Dialogue Group, see http://jewishdialogue.org/.  Their site also includes links to other organizations doing similar work, including the Public Conversations Project (one which much of their materials are based,) at http://www.publicconversations.org/pcp/index.asp.